Smartphones: Are They Flushing Our Time Down the Drain?

SRI studies are revealing a striking correlation between smartphones and our toilet time.  According to the latest SRI research study conducted throughout the U.S. over the past 14 months, American smartphone users are spending 2.5 times longer in the loo than ever before.

The blind study consisting of 1,300 people revealed that smartphones do in fact lead to longer bathroom visits.  Fifty percent of the population was given a standard cellular telephone, while the other fifty an Iphone or Droid.  Smartphone subjects entering the bathroom spent an average of 2.5 times longer than dumbphone subjects before exiting.  When reviewing the data the majority of users were searching the internet, playing games, watching youtube, and some even viewing pornography.

One Chicago stock broker admitted to spending entire financial trade days on the pot, conducting business and trading commodities via his Apple Iphone 4.  "I've become a million times more efficient since getting [my smart phone]...  I can work on demand and, in between trades,  I can search on-line and play video games without ever having to leave the comfort of my bathroom."

Another 41-year old male in Buttswamp, TX, attributes the highlight of his adult life to his Droid.  "I play Robot Unicorn Attack every time I use the bathroom.  Last month I made 238,560 points in one shitting!... Many times, my legs they fall asleep so when I git up from the [toilet] I shoot straight to the floor like spit on a sidewalk and have to holler to my wife, Varma, for help getting up."

Whether they are used as tools for efficiency or for time-guzzling, record smartphone sales growth last quarter indicate that more Americans than ever will be adding a dash of technology to their pinch of loaf.